gregorymann.com

 

 

 

2005 Hyundai Santa Fe

 

Need to label this section 

It is very unfortunate that I have to say the following, but here goes.  I do not want to die because of my disability, but because living on the street with my disability is all but impossible.   If it wasn’t for the government and alternative health therapies,  I would have been dead for many years.  The government doesn’t pay the disabled enough to have anything but a managed disease condition and nearly all alternative health practitioners have an interest in food and shelter (most health insurance doesn’t pay them).   If someone tries to stop me from attempting to die (putting me in a mental hospital–been there done that), they will be dealt with the most severe of possible consequences that I can possibly put together. What I need more than anyone can possibly imagine is enough money/income so that I am not on the street and I can get some kind answers to why I seem to be almost continually thinking about the relief of being dead.  I am not much into religion or God, but I am extremely grateful and give thanks nearly daily that I am not locked up for life in prison (prison would probably be worse than being on the street in my case).  I have come very close to killing or seriously injuring at least two people over money.  One of those two people is super fortunate that I have one of my parents’ worst traits because he was all but dead.  I am comfortable with death.  I am not comfortable with being on the street or in prison.  By the way, I am making payments on two of my around a dozen debts. 
 I would rather just die than sit in prison and rot and or wait to die.  Many many years ago I forgave the person who almost killed me with the baseball bat (he is now deceased),  I will probably never forgive my sister’s now deceased husband who served 22 years in prison for killing her.  I will not forgive my parents.  If your spouse hurts you physically you certainly have every right to leave and probably should if at all possible.  Women should not be discriminated against because they are women.  Women should have equal pay and control over their bodies and the right to say no (that is maybe the main reason why prostitutes, escorts, and mistresses exist).  I will never forgive the dentist who put the mercury laden amalgam fillings in my teeth, although I am certain he is dead.  Please remember the covid vaccines have killed thousands.  Remember that when there is doubt with mainstream medical practices there is always health instead of potential death or disability.    PLEASE read my material.  HEALTH is possible if MONEY is possible.  That is why the original website exists.  I can not find the help I need nor can I get enough money to do anything more than buy gas and food.  Cased closed.  Are YOU a person who can help?  PLEASE read the material.

Need to label this section

There are 24 separate sections in the update.  A brief breakdown is listed below

  1. The need for help.
  2. Benefit from being dead.
  3. My vaccine position.
  4. Vaccine safety.
  5. Vaccine safety continued.
  6. Big Pharma.
  7. Vitamin D and discrimination.
  8. Family members.
  9. My problem.
  10. My mental health treatment results.
  11. Finding Daniel Amen’s books and Big Pharma comments.
  12. Anger and killing my dentist
  13. Poverty from disability and website.
  14. My car, my home.
  15. Current income and currency trading debacle
  16. Debt, income and bankruptcy comments.
  17. More debt comments.
  18. Amen clinic costs and additional comments.
  19. People I have met, girlfriends, and my mom
  20. Time period observations.
  21. Current time period expenses.
  22. Desire to work but not enough reward.
  23. Future time periods and therapies.
  24. Diet and closing observations
  1. My situation is becoming more dire as time goes by.  I am not sure I can be helped.  But I will proceed to explain.  If I can not receive some kind of help, I am going to have to make the decision eventually whether I want live on the street or make an attempt to commit suicide.  I consider it an absolute miracle that I have not committed suicide.  If health is not possible, why should I or anyone for that matter have to live suffering ?  What is stopping me from attempting to commit suicide is ironically what my problem is (can skip to section 9).
  2. One thing that is very clear to me is that I am comfortable with being dead but not the act of dying itself.  I want life.  If I can’t come up with help, especially more income, I am better off dead than alive.  The health care system wants to treat people’s symptoms and forget about the underlying causes of their problems. I believe most people end up dying because they give up when they figure they “been had” by the health care system.  My covid spiel is the next five sections-3-7  which is followed by a brief section-8 on my family history and they can be skipped, if desired.
  3. This is certainly an issue currently with covid vaccine issue.  I don’t trust the health care system, but I got the vaccine (Johnson & Johnson).   I view it like this: better off having a couple police officers empty their 9mm clips into my ass than to be dying in a fucking hospital with a tube stuck down my throat.  I am white and the cops kill more white people than any other race.  Especially poor white people.  Also, I already receive monthly disability payments and I am expected to NEVER recover.  I would not have to requalify.
  4. As of September 30, 2021 from the data which RFK Jr. ‘s (this is the child of the 35th president’s brother who was killed in Los Angeles 1968 when I was 6 ) has on his website which is information from the CDC,  roughly, 90 people per million are ending up dead or permanently disabled (the gold standard for Social Security Administration to collect disability) from the vaccine.   14,925 deaths are 40 of the 90 per million the other 50  per million being newly disabled (19210).  Once one gets the virus (USA numbers) then you have around a 2% chance of being dead or permanently disabled.   According to the New York Times as of September 30, 2021 the dead are 695,232 people out of 43,341,542 people who contracted the virus ( I assume at least another 150,000 are qualifying for SSA disability after surviving the dreaded ventilator) getting it close to the 2% figure.  The vaccine is safe for 999,910 people out of every million, but if you are  in the 90 out of a million you are either dead or fucked.  These numbers are out of 378.2 million vaccines administered.  I am against vaccine mandates for the COVID disaster.
  5. For further comparison, let us review the Afghanistan/Iraq war debacle.  Somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 million US troops served there over the 20 year since September 11, 2001 (US troops are still serving in Iraq as of October 2021).  And 2300 of every million gave everything (life), adding up to around 6900 dead.  At least George W. Bush, who was President when this multi-trillion dollar adventure commenced, has had the dignity to work with some of the over 50,000 wounded through the Wounded Warrior Project.  I don’t believe Doctor Fauci has attended one funeral or issued a statement to anyone hurt by the death of a loved one from a vaccine. Even if we assume half of the 14,925 deaths from the vaccines are bogus reports (I don’t think the CDC has done an investigation nor has any reputable news organization–New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, etc.)  there are still at least as many dead as there are from these wars.  Please note, I believe the deaths are skewed heavily to the above 60 age groups.  Teenagers are not dropping dead from vaccines, although there have been deaths.
  6. People have a right to be skeptical even if the COVID virus kills them.  Much of the mainstream press and politicians have Big Pharma up there with Mother Teresa seeking sainthood.  After the Opioid Debacle, it seems to make sense that many are flat out scared of the Covid vaccines.  Hundreds of thousands of Americans have had their lives shortened by the Opioid disaster.
  7. The best alternative approach is to raise your vitamin D levels if vaccines are not going to be put in your arm.  There is plenty of research on this on the internet.  Discrimination may cost you your job but with our tractable lives that everyone lives (got phone?) so what.. Anti-vaccine people may end up with the bad credit, felony, wife/spouse beating, racism/racist and obesity crowds among those who suffer among other discriminations.  It is a mixed verdict:  Vaccination may threaten some people’s liberty and health views and possibly their life but anti-vaccination may threaten your liberty/life also (it may cause you to lose your job or end up in hospital with covid).   I currently have vitamin D levels of about 36  nanograms per milliliter of blood.  If you’re an anti-vaccine person don’t neglect this, it may save your life. Below 12 is bad and 20 is a minimum.  This even applies to the vaccinated, for they are 10-20% of new Covid cases depending on where they are.  I believe that due to the iron grip of Big Pharma in the US that nearly all of the research on this is from Europe.  And vitamin D is cheap, even if you need a prescription source (the highest amounts available).
  8. My mom died in 2014 at 79 on a ventilator with a tube down her throat.  She was not poor, I am poor, she would have left me around 250K roughly if she didn’t spend half of it helping my disabled ass.   My parents were good, not great, non college educated people who allowed an idiot dentist to poison my ass with amalgam dental fillings leaching mercury for 30 years.  Unfortunately, I had to be exposed to my father who was busy physically abusing my mom while the mercury was abusing me.  My sister paid dearly for this.  My sister’s husband killed her in 1987.  Understandably, women don’t like me.  Lung cancer from cigarette smoking killed my father at 58.  Mother was a victim of nearly 30 years of heart disease treatment.  I do not forget that there is no money in the healthy heart, but money in the heart disease treated heart.
  9. My problem is my paralyzed left hand which is virtually healed but does not work.  My hand is paralyzed from a 1992 baseball assault ( I stopped a woman from getting hit by a man and was blindsided with a baseball bat for it) which paralyzed my left side completely at the time.  The healing process was further complicated from 30 plus years of having mercury poisoning from my dental fillings compromise my physical, social and employment development.  It is kind of like being two years old but never turning three.  At the end of 2019 (Halloween or the day before, if my memory is right), therapists from Palm Beach Gardens, Florida based Upledger Institute in one of their week long programs in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico pointed out to me that what is keeping my hand regaining its full use, is the fact that I seem to be suffering from anger related issues.  The Upledger Institute in Florida has nearly turned my paralysis around with their therapies and over 95% of it has been paid for out of pocket (not medical insurance).
  10. Now, for the record nearly all mental health therapy I have received has been centered around drug treatment which has reliably produced grand mal type seizures over the years.  Last one being in 2001 (it is a great story worthy of a chapter in a book).  I live in my car. For the last 4 and a half years.  If I am driving my car and have a seizure I could very easily kill someone.  The medical establishment could care less.  Being responsible for my existence, I refuse to be treated like this and refused this type of drug treatment approach for the last time in 2017 ( I went to a San Diego mental hospitable complaiming about my lack of competence and inability to get my act together well enough to successfully pull off a potential suicide) just when I started living in my car.  There are other people in this world and many of them drive cars. They should not have to worry about me having a seizure and possibly being killed by me. I drive my car predominantly with one hand. The left hand does very little but it can hold the steering wheel.  In the early 2000’s I spent time with a woman, who totaled two cars under the influence of prescription drugs who died from brain cancer.  This is a real problem that Big Pharma could care less about. The medical system acts like I am NOT DISABLED and has no fucking clue as to what I should do, nor does it even care.
  11. While working in a local Goodwill resale bookstore in 2019 ( I worked there until pandemic started and had to quit because after the initial reopening it was going to be almost impossible for me to get disposable gloves on and off my hand many times a shift with it paralyzed., which was the policy along with face masks initially), I found one of Dr. Amen books who specializes in trying to identify brain function issues from scanning the brain to determine what areas of the brain are or aren’t working properly.  I have to have some pretty serious impairment, some of which I have overcome, but can not seem to completely overcome (regain usage of left hand).  This guy must  be having some kind of success because now he has nine clinics around the United States and has done over 180,000 brain scans.  I have this guy’s first book he published, “Change your Brain Change your Life” and it turns out that he has many detractors.  I am absolutely convinced beyond doubt that I suffered from brain development issues, which led to getting assaulted with a baseball bat, which are products of amalgam mercury poisoning and my father physically abusing my mother during my preteen/teen years.  Being a breech born B blooded human only added to the sensitivity issues.  So what does the Big Pharma allopathic driven medical system think?  I will sum it up with two words: “Fuck you”.  While millions have successfully been vaccinated, thousands have given their lives  (died from vaccination) and mainstream media says the unvaccinated are suffering from “misinformation”.  Let us straighten this out.  The people who were suffering from “misinformation” are the dead from vaccination.  The people who don’t want the vaccine for health reasons will raise their vitamin D levels and take other necessary precautions (that is not misinformation).  The medical industry thrives on sick individuals under treatment (think heart disease, cancer, diabetes and anything which can create long-term pharmaceutical sales) and fights (legally) anything that promotes health.   That is because the Amens, Meracolas,Upledgers and Huggins (the last two are deceased) of the world have these “radical” beliefs centered around the health of the patients, not the health of the balance sheets of Big Pharma.
  12. But getting back to the anger, I would probably kill the dentist who put these dental fillings in me in my pre teen years, but he has been long long dead many years I would assume.  I nearly lost my life from the dental fillings until they were removed in 2007 in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  The dentist that removed them died in 2019.
  13. Nearly all of the existing problems exist from collecting disability payments for nearly 30 years.  When many people my age were having families (in the 90’s) I was having seizures living on less than 500 dollars a month, living with my parents.  It sounds terrible, but I was already falling behind in the 70’s when the dentist “fixed” my cavities.  Number one concern is this website.  All I really have is my story.  I need money and help with the website.   Amount needed is unknown.  Unfortunately, it has been a black hole (I never tried to promote it, hence it hasn’t produced much help).
  14. Number two concern is my home, which is my car.  It needs $3000 to $5000 in repairs.  It is cheaper to fix it than buy a new one (even if it eventually needs an engine or the transmission rebuilt).   I have nowhere to go, nowhere to live and can not afford anything, so this is it.  Being on the street will mean having to put together a plan for a suicide attempt at a minimum.  For personal security reasons, I can not go into depth on this.  It is too hard to function with the left hand paralyzed.  Back in the 90’s I bought a tent.  I threw it in the trash.  I could not assemble it.  So fixing my car will keep me alive.  I live in the north county region of San Diego County.  For security purposes, if someone wants to know exactly where I live (park my car at night) they will have to email me with a request with a valid reason.  Of course, living in my car is not a good thing but please read on.
  15. Number three, currently (as of October 1, 2021) I am living on around 25 dollars a day (food and gas).  This can’t go on indefinitely.  I took $1700 dollars from my last unemployment money and put it in a currency trading account.  Now, I have less than $500 left.  I need help with trading.  I need a real living mentor like person that is actually trading currency, making money doing it, and has something to show for it (physical goods or even a spouse).  YouTube is not going to get it done.  Also, it is all but impossible to do this while living in my car.  This offers financial hope, something that most work does not.  I possess nearly no skills that will pay a living income.  Money can be made trading but I need help.
  16. Since I am $30,000 to $40,000 in debt and have bad credit because of bad income, my situation is horrible.  I already filed bankruptcy in 1998 and will not do it again.  If I am never going to have an income I can live on, my situation is a hopeless situation.  It is an absolute embarrassment being a college graduate to admit that last year was my most successful financially living on unemployment. I actually cleared 30K for the first time in my life. I actually spent weeks at a time living in motels and got to see my closest living relative, my aunt (father’s sister) who lives about a half dozen miles from Detroit Metropolitan Airport.
  17. Most of my debts are over 4 years old and could be settled for less than 50 cents on the dollar, if I had the ability to earn enough money to pay them.  $15 dollars an hour won’t work.
  18. Number three concern is to have the Amen clinic (one is in Orange County) scan my brain and put together a plan of action that will require approximately $4200.  Although they won’t tell me, I believe I may need an additional $10,000 to $25,000 for a year of therapy.  It shouldn’t take more than a year.  I truly believe the anger issues are a problem.  They utilize a whole myriad of therapeutic approaches to problems.  Depending on the problem, according to the books I see he has published, he has advocated about everything (including some pharmaceutical approaches,sex, music and mediatation depending on the case).  I am just throwing darts when trying one thing over another without some definite idea on how my current brain functions.  About the only thing I have not read about him advocating are illegal psychoactive drugs (psilocybin) some of which are being used in some limited studies by pharmaceutical companies and are on the verge of FDA approval.
  19. One of the reasons I have not updated my account is because of the type of people I have meant since I was disabled.  My sister is dead but she was absolutely blessed, because she would have probably spent the rest of her life in a wheelchair.  The men fall in three categories: want to rip me off, want to control me, or the worst–want to fuck me.  I believe being poisoned by mercury repressed my male development in my teens making me more attrctive to homosexual/bisexual men.  I got some good stories.  As for attractive women either they will not talk to me, run away, or at worst call the police.  And the ones I find unattractive want to have relationships with me.   The women I find attractive are like the complete opposite physically of my mom.  Above average height (5-5 to about 5-7) and not flat chested nor too fat with fairly straight medium brown to black hair without a body full of visible tattoos or nose rings, etc. and with skin that is not too white or too dark (kind of plain looking, but physically attractive).   I am 6 feet tall.  The only time I had a girlfriend she could have physically been my mom and I had issues with almost myself almost behaving like my father.  It was horribly embarrassing when she stood next to my mom to see who was taller.  I do not need to have my brain retriggered with images of my father beating my mom.  Since I am close to being a walking disaster, it sure helps when a woman says something that I could possibly take the wrong way, if I can look at her and smile without wanting to knock her out.  After all, I am the one who needs help.  I will need counseling the rest of my life if the only future women I can find resemble my mom in physical stature.  I am not all that hopeful.  When the dentist first put the mercury laden fillings in me (around 1971/1972) my mom said I would just have to grow up, even though I hurt.  In this time period, I never seem to forget my mom being told by the Catholic priest she couldn’t get divorced after my father beat her so badly she had not one but two black eyes.  So it is a lot easier to have a 5’-5” to 5’-7” woman who doesn’t resemble my mom tell me I know you hurt inside instead of a physical copy of my mom saying that.  This may sound even more crazy (this is why I need one of Dr. Amen’s clinics to scan my brain and examine its functioning) but just having someone I feel attracted to walking around holding my hand may make it work.  At my core, I seem to starved for affection (not sex) but just someone being physically close to me and telling me that I matter and deserve to exist.  That is because back when this was actually happening (early to mid 1970’s) I had no idea that the mercury poisoning and my father abusing my mom were preventing me from having quality relationships.
  20. There are basically two time periods I am in.  They are: Number One–now to next month to two months.  The next Number Two–what do I need to make further improvements ? (get the left hand to work)
  21. First, the now time period, I applied for additional money assistance from the Social Security Administration along with CalFresh (aka–food stamps).  The combined benefit from both is expected to be around $213 a month leaving close to an approximate $270 monthly shortage as early as November.  Those numbers assume my diet and gasoline consumption stay where they are as I type this.  My goal is to stay off the street.  My car always needs work.  Believe or not, I have not made a suicide attempt, but it may not be possible to stop the process if I end up on the street and have to put it in motion  (trying to die won’t be free nor easy).   I refuse to live on the street or in a shelter (done that) or safe parking lot (done that).  What would help ASAP is a place to park my car at night as close as possible to the Oceanside Transit Center.  Currently , I am around a 20 mile round trip from there costing me $120 a month in gas (roughly a gallon at $4.00).  That is half the projected 240 dollars I am short.  I have 24 hour access to the bathroom where I am currently and can come and go as I please.  But I stay there at night and when I get there because my car is in dire need of work, I don’t leave early.  Close to the NCTD 101 bus route is also a possible benefit.  I walk as much as possible and use public transit (I don’t need a lot of exercise, but I need to walk around as much as I can).  I am constantly trying to tweak/change my diet diet, so this is subject to change.  For example, drinking more water and less tea at Starbucks would save money.
  22. I would  love to go back to work but I think about suicide nearly every day and maybe work at the lousy pay can help end it all.  I want to live if possible. I am probably better off dead than working for anything under $20 an hour (assuming a 40 hour week).  Most work, in and of itself, doesn’t provide enough income and certainly does nothing to solve my problem.
  23. Second time period, If I am going to have my brain image scanned to find out how it is working and what is not working that is going to cost $4200.  Not to mention anywhere from $1000 to $2000 additional a month for possible therapies (additional costs are unknown at this time).  And there is probably no way this can be done living in my car.  When I start thinking about these numbers suicide sounds great.  Last year was the first year in my life I made over $30,000.  And that was mostly unemployment.  And just think, I probably need at least 3 times that if anything is to be accomplished.  There is some additional information that I am not going to provide at this time related to my brain/hand function, but will be provided upon request.
  24. And just think, somebody doesn’t want the vaccine.  I would have let the dentist cut off my balls to save my hand instead of poisoning me with mercury laden amalgam fillings which fucked up the function of my colon-large intestine (I knew it was fucked up before the baseball bat assault but had no idea it was “my teeth”).   Utilizing a heavy probiotic laden diet with severely limited to zero grains nearly makes the hand nearly work.  The Donna Gates Body Ecology Diet is what I try to follow.  Taking out all wheat flour products and replacing them with fermented probiotic laden sauerkraut (cabbage) eaten with cooked eggs, turkey or salmon (and other fish) along with fermented coconut water make my colon function nearly well enough to make my hand work.  I drank around a quart of fermented coconut water for about 6 months and remade my skin.  I loved making it.  I have over 3 years of no alcohol or coffee.   Still got problems with flour and occasional soft drinks.  Mostly, because of poverty and living in my car for over 4 years.

    APRIL 2021 UPDATE

    I have not posted an update since November 2018 because I thought in early 2019 that I would finally overcome my long-term paralysis and move on with my life.  But it did not work out that way and all of a sudden it was 2020.     Then before I could move onto my next plan, the COVID-19 pandemic was happening.   

    In this update, I will provide some information on my 2019 attempt to finish overcoming my paralysis.  Then I will talk about how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected my situation.  Because of a lifetime of exposure to health care ineptness, I do not plan on getting a coronavirus vaccine and I will provide some insight on my decision.  

    In December of 2018, a guy I met at an AA meeting in 2017, talked me into attempting to seek employment at Goodwill Industries of San Diego donation site.  So I applied and the job interviewer convinced me to accept employment in one of their small retail resale stores.  Although it was not a lot of money, the environment was generally relaxed and easy going which was a great help considering that I didn’t get a lot of help from my left hand.  So I spent mid February 2019  through the initial coronavirus shutdown in 2020 working there.

    Although I temporarily lost my monthly Social Security Disability payment, I figured I would regain the function of my left hand fingers and could then stop in my local SSA office and be proud of  not qualifying for a monthly check any more.  I lost my monthly SSA disability check because I earned too much money to continue receiving it.  I saved over $5000 to pay for a 5 day therapy program at the Integrative Intentions Center in Truth or Consequences, NM.  But this did not happen during the last week of October 2019.

    On the next to last day of the therapy program (October 30, 2019) one of the multiple therapists who spent time with me mentioned that it seems as though I have an anger issue which helps keep my hand from overcoming its paralytic condition.  It is so sad because it is so close to working again.  Now, I didn’t really go into an in depth analysis with this therapist at the time, but I certainly am not happy about having being poisoned by my mercury laden amalgam dental fillings for 35 plus years, having a disastrous and alcohol laden teenage to late 20’s life (would of probably committed suicide if it was not for alcohol) which culminates in getting blind sided in a baseball bat assault five years after my sister was murdered by her husband.

 

 

 

 

 

November 2018 Update

This is brief update on the status my disability recovery/reversal.  This should of been done back in the spring of 2018, but I was involved with a couple of different jobs and failed to get this done.

As time goes by, it is getting increasingly clearer as to what is wrong.  I will attempt to explain my lifetime nightmare in the easiest way I can possibly do.  When I was around 10 years old the amalgam dental fillings that were placed in my teeth caused serious trauma and made is so my colon (large intestine)  wouldn’t function properly. Actually, although didn’t know at the time this caused complete physiological dysfunction. And this in turn caused human growth issues and certainly socialization problems. At a time in life when I should of been becoming confident in myself and building self-esteem within I was hurting but didn’t know why.   I was so traumatized that in my first year of little league baseball I never swung at a pitch when batting. When I ran track my left side hurt. In tenth grade typing class, I could barely type 25 words a minute. I was becoming a failure. Although I had an opposite sex date here and there, I never had serious girlfriends. My mom took me to the family doctor because my body wasn’t developing upper body strength (there is no way I could put a positive spin on that experience).  I truly believe at the time if it wasn’t for alcohol, I would have committed suicide. Although university life was difficult, I did graduate from Michigan State University. But I truly lacked confidence to live a quality life. I was always unsure of myself and lacking confidence. At the time, I had no idea that my dentist fucked (the best word) me up. I had no clue what was wrong with me. All this culminated with getting assaulted with a baseball bat in 1992. When the people I went school with were putting graduate degrees to work and starting families, I was having grand mal seizures (the 1990’s).  It wouldn’t be until 2007 that these filings in my teeth would be removed.  The book entitled “It’s All in Your Head:  The Link Between Amalgams and Illness” by Hal Huggins convinced that my 1970’s dental work was the problem.

Below is a link to a federal government article noting his death.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4566458/

Probably, the most amazing thing is that my left hand which still doesn’t function properly is dogged by the trauma which hasn’t been dealt with yet.  When those dental fillings were put in me in the seventies it seemed as though someone stuck me in an electrical socket and to this day it still feels that way.  And that’s with nearly no mercury in me. So all that’s left is the trauma.

Back to my 2015 and 2016 visit’s to the Florida based Upledger Institute.  I first went there in 1997, and if they would of been offering the same type program with therapy (in 2015) to help get the body to release the trauma, I probably would have recovered.

Since NO healing can take place without trauma release (assuming trauma is ones problem preventing healing), the Upledger Institute has brought these programs back.

Near the of May in 2017, I didn’t know what to do, not much different now (now is just after Thanksgiving 2018), but I decided that I probably should commit suicide.   So I checked into a hospital. Believe it or not, the biggest impediment to committing suicide has been lack of competence. I am one of those people who has failed at virtually everything I have attempted to do.  Suicide is not something I want to fail at. Also, lack of confidence is another serious issue.

When I wanted to know what it cost to pursue ballroom dancing at Arthur Murray in the spring of 2017, I went to an Arthur Murray dance studio.  I paid $20 for an one introductory lesson for the purpose of finding out prices and letting the studio gauge my skill level. Well, this is still hard for me to believe today, but the dance instructor I danced with told me that I certainly can dance no doubt about that, but I don’t have any self-confidence.  She (the dance instructor) figured that out in less than an hour. So that makes suicide a much more difficult possibility. When I was initially assaulted in 1992, the hospital wanted to put me in a nursing home and I figure that I could end up in a nursing home if I attempt to kill myself and fail badly.  My own intuition tells me that failure is very possible because of my historical record of failure. I will worry more about suicide if I end up living on the street.

So I decided to go Alcoholics Anonymous.  I knew when I first went in the door this wasn’t the right to do, but I didn’t know what to do.  In my honest opinion AA is for people with alcohol consumption issues that are ruining their spirit.  It is very close to being a religion or even possibly a cult. Alcohol hasn’t ruined my spirit, but trauma has nearly killed it.  Other than running into discrimination because I can’t use my left hand, I ran into people talking about psychic healings. I never expected that, but then again I didn’t know what to expect.

I went to meetings for around nine months and spent around 10 month not drinking.  Although, it wouldn’t be until nearly the end of the year (December 2017) that I would obtain some employment I had a few people help me out financially.  I have spent close to the last 3 months not drinking again, but it was a hell of a lot harder not drinking when I was going to AA meetings. I am not a psychologist by no means, but it seems much easier to focus on what one needs to do instead of what one shouldn’t do.

My biggest problem at AA was the inability to relate to other peoples experiences.  I have an extremely hard time relating to people with jobs/income that result in girlfriends/spouses and roofs over their heads (jobs paying at least the equivalent of $20 an/hour).  Nearly no one at AA was disabled. And virtually everyone had or had had relationships and employment/ income that kept a roof over their head. I have had virtually no relationships most of my life, never made over $13 an hour, and live in a my car.  I would like add, that if it wasn’t for my mother and her assistance, I would already be dead. And at 56 years of age if that not failure, I don’t know what is.

Before I leave this and move on to employment, I want to return to my latest hospital stay.  Some people may think something is really wrong with me because I think of suicide as a solution.  But the medical system is absolutely hopeless. In my case, previous treatment for mental illness/depression has resulted in medication prescriptions which have caused grand mal seizures but the medical system could care less.  It took years to resolve this. I declined treatment for bipolar disorder. If I was to start having seizures again, I don’t know what would do. It has over 15 years since I had a grand mal seizure and that last one has a good story behind it that I don’t want to try reliving.

I can’t make myself more clear than what I am going to say now.  If I am suffering from bipolar disorder let’s prescribe therapy to get the trauma that I live with daily to release.  And it will be obvious when it releases because the stress that keeps the top of my left hand from functioning will let up. Presto.

While I am not the type that shoots up public places, therapies that help release trauma need to be supported because, many people not even remotely guilty are ending up dead because of people suffering from PTSD are behaving non-civil ways.  The most recent case in Thousand Oaks, CA is just one of hundreds. The man who shot up the Borderline Bar & Grill would certainly of benefited from trauma therapy the Upledger Institute offers to military veterans, http://www.upledger.org/what-we-do/ptsd-relief.php  There is a SERIOUS societal need to help get military veterans trained in positions related to actively killing others to have access to therapies which release trauma if they need it.  Almost no one would disagree, except the medical establishment (the money is in trauma treatment not trauma release).

But our a drug for everything healthcare industry wants to treat side effects of virtually every single disease while leaving the underlying cause intact so they can endlessly keep treating the initial concern.  While I am not going to go in-depth on cancer treatment and pain treatment, I will only say that the public education model is being attacked/destroyed by people who claim it is failing. If anything the public needs to be able to opt-out of our healthcare system if health restoration is not an option.  I am at an age (56) where there is very good possibility of dying from conventional cancer treatment, so assuming I didn’t understand and/or have access to available alternative treatments why not euthanize me. Would certainly save health care dollars. What would be the point of making me suffer more than I already have suffered from mercury poisoning/closed head injury/grand mal seizures/paralysis.

When I was attending AA meetings, I had someone refer me to the California Department of Rehabilitation.  What these people do is help disabled people with employment. I obtained temporary employment at the MiraCosta College Bookstore in Oceanside, CA.  I worked there during the beginning of the Spring 2018 term. To sum it up simply, operating the cash register was very difficult, helping students find books most enjoyable.  I also worked for Job Options Inc., a contractor for Sodexo, the large French based food service management company. I worked in a United States Marine Corps mess hall at Camp Pendleton.  I worked in the scullery (dish washing) and food serving areas. Working in both these areas was very difficult, because of my left hand. I enjoyed serving food but it wasn’t easy.

Unfortunately, neither one of these jobs provided much income.  Working for Job Options Incorporated mentioned above gave me approximately around $1400 a month at 35 hours a week with a warning from the social security administration that I will lose my $718 a month disability in a 16 or so months.  There is absolutely no way in the world, I can own a car, have a roof over my head, have good food to eat and pay to reverse my paralysis on 2100 dollars a month and eventually 1400 dollars a month. I spent most of my time there depressed and feeling hopeless.  At the end of August 2018, I quit. I have ongoing skin problems that started when I started when attending AA meetings in May 2017. I have problems staying away from flour and grain based foods because of persistent poverty. They go through my skin. The number one solution is coming up with something that creates a liveable income.

There is really only one option.  Work is never going to provide enough income.  I am going to have to get some up getting exposure to my plight.  I am planning on speaking at Toastmaster meetings and putting a brief smartphone recorded video on my facebook page to start with.  As I write this my situation is back to nearly desperate.

What I mention of the top of the “What is needed page” has happened.   I was stopped for not stopping at a stop sign on December 3. I didn’t think I was getting my car back.  It cost $430 to get my car back. I had to borrow the last $130. This scenario caused me to come up with a low cost suicide idea.  It is so brutal I can’t discuss it. So once I update the web site, I am headed to Toastmaster meeting. I got speak on the need for promotion.  I don’t want to be on the street contemplating the end of my life. My life does suck, although I am trying to improve it, I like living.

Other than one last topic, this is complete.  And that topic is regarding the question of individuals viewing my material and asking why I am so sure this therapy I mention will reverse the paralysis condition.  Hopefully, I can get some funding. I have never told anyone what I am going to be typing about below here because they may think I am really hopeless and buy me a gun.   I absolutely DO NOT want to take this to my grave.

Before I get into the story I want to mention that I have had 3 people try to push prostitutes on me and another tell me I need sex in the last 2 years.  Sex could help but I got bigger problems I need to deal with first. We I grew up (1970’s), I was so fucked up from the mercury/amalgam fillings (didn’t know it at the time) that holding hands with the opposite sex was impossible.  So I would want to spend at least a month doing this (holding hands) at an absolute minimum. It is not entirely impossible that with the right woman (too old for the girls) this could virtually transform the paralysis. If I pursue the therapy, I will want someone to go with me and this person would certainly be a candidate. Now onto the story.

When I was a student at Michigan State University it seemed like everyone had girlfriend/boyfriend relationships but me.  Getting intoxicated and having drunken sex didn’t really cut. I did it a few times. But in the summer 1985 at MSU, I managed to develop a relationship with a woman from Calhoun County, MI (best known for the Kellogg Company and cereal).  And we ended up doing the hand holding stuff like most couples. But I had serious issues and shook like hell. Elizabeth (that was her name) asked me “what the hell is wrong me?” I told her I have no idea and that I should probably kill myself, nobody likes me, and that line of shit.  I was fucking hopeless. I walked down the street holding hands shaking. Well, I think she felt sorry for me and we eventually started having sex. I had a hard time keeping my hands off her. I had as much sex as much a could have. Then one day, I was sitting in my car behind the house I lived in in East Lansing.  I started hallucinating badly. Like seeing things not in my eyes line of vision. I had no idea what wrong with me. I thought this sex stuff was causing problems. I had no idea that you did it (sexual intercourse) too much it caused this problem! I was a scared to tell Elizabeth. I told her it was over, but I didn’t tell her why.  We would have more sex over the next year or so but no every day stuff. I didn’t have the foggiest idea what was wrong with me.

This problem (hallucinating experience) is going to comeback via a completely different route.  It would be 11 + years after I was assaulted with a baseball bat (1992).

In 1997, I went to the Upledger Institute in Palm Beach Gardens, FL  for therapy to improve my left side/arm/hand. It was much worse in the early days.  Still had seizures, hadn’t had the 5 year anniversary yet and guy that hit me was in prison doing 6 calendars.  By the way, my sister’s husband was in the process of doing 22 years for shooting her dead in 1987. I not 100% certain, but I believe the guy that hit me wanted to bring his gun but girlfriend stopped him (this is what I unofficially was told).

So two weeks of craniosacral therapy, emotional release therapy, hypnosis, and acupuncture.  Therapy now offered is much shorter, in my opinion because the people who do this work are much more efficient and knowledgeable.  So a day or so after I came back to Michigan, I have another hallucinating experience. But this time it is horribly worse than the 1985 experience.  It was like I had 360 degree gyroscope spinning vision. I absolutely went nuts and tore the dishwasher out of the wall. My mom called the therapists in Florida, one of my local therapist and then would come my experience with Scientology (not included here).  I’m not making this stuff up. There are more details, but this is condensed.

So what is the deal?  The only thing for sure is that the mercury is incredibly unstable and me being the ultra sensitive breech born B blooded half Hungarian could not tolerate what others could.  

In 2015 and 2016,  the therapy I received didn’t include emotional release therapy.   My body still feels like it has been shocked. That shock feeling is from the initial trauma of  having the dental fillings placed in me. Sex could help it. Think about this for moment. Sex would make my partner the prescription.  Many people take too much, not enough, and some develop addictions. Many pick the wrong person and me being the lifelong failure that I have been can’t expect much different.  So I need to hold my girlfriend’s hand, snuggle up with her and spend plenty quality time being close to her before I worry about sex. The dental industry tortured my soul and I am not the first.  

What is needed is emotional trauma reprocessing/releasing with qualified professionals.  Then once the trauma emotion releases, the stress will give way to a fully functioning left hand.  Also, all the depression and bipolar shit will be history. And I can be like the other 99% with two functioning hands.

Click https://www.gofundme.com/help-greg-tie-his-shoes-someday to to gofundme page

I

Why this web site exists?

Gregory Mann is a 54-year old man who was assaulted with a baseball bat to the head in 1992 because he stopped a possible violent act against a woman. Gregory has almost recovered completely.  But he still has not been able to regain the complete use of his left hand.  His left hand is still paralyzed from the middle finger knuckle joints through the finger tips,which makes it extremely difficult to pickup anything.  (There are joints close to the finger nails and joints close to the back of the hand/opposite the palm). Nearly all of the improvement since the original web site (http://gregorymann.com) was built in 2001 has been attributed to the removal of mercury laden amalgam dental filings, 2 trips (2015-2016) to the Florida based Upledger Institute for intensive CranioSacral therapy (in 2015) and the dietary ideas behind Donna Gates book the Body Ecology Diet .   

(Below is a test video used to show Greg that it is possible to insert video in this page).  I don’t really know how this got here.

Below are the 2 Upledger therapists who have help get me to where I am today (2017).

Left—Lynn Mabry, DC

Right–Rebecca S. Flowers, OTR, BCP, CST-D

       

 

Why this web site was never originally updated?

When this web site (http://gregorymann.com) was originally built (2001) Gregory hired a company to help to selectively promote it (big mistake).  So I lost over $2000 (USD).  Would off been much cheaper and easier to go the “spam” route.  Every since Gregory has been blessed with disability, it seems the thieves don’t quit “knocking on the door”  For it has been only in the last year that he could make a fist (to punch something with his left hand).  It is as though the disability emanates weakness and it attracts scammers and con artist type.  For they know how difficult it will be for him to retaliate or take police/legal actions.   When someone carts around non-working limbs–the questions never end.  It is like having a 2 year-old child that never turns 3.

But the moral of the story is this:  It is not what happens to us–but how we react to what happens to us and we, each one us humans, are responsible for our thoughts and whatever feelings we experience.  

The Last Dozen Years (2002-2009) Part I

After the above promotion failure (even though I had some potential contacts), I tried the work/save route, but after savings in area of $5000, I decided I needed to try use the left hand.  And I discovered the best therapy for it yet, even though this therapy wasn’t the answer at this time.  That therapy was Ballroom Dancing.  I have taken about 160 lessons through Arthur Murray (mostly in Bloomfield Township, Mi–also some in San Antonio,Texas and Chicago,Illinois).  Using the hand, especially foxtrot and rumba spinning of ones partner does it much good.  I have pictures from all these places and hope get them posted/uploaded into this piece.  I don’t know what happens these days but when I was originally assaulted (1992) the State of Michigan’s Medicaid program paid to send me to a Beaumont Hospital Rehabilitation Facility in Birmingham, MI to regain the use of my shoulder.  I went through swimming exercises in a pool for about 3 months along other therapy.  I also had to relearn to walk and speak words  again–that was before the above mentioned arm/shoulder therapy and took place in Herritage Hospital in Taylor,MI.  Using paralyzed limbs has to be one of the most expensive rehab therapies, but maybe the most important one.

The Last Dozen Years (2002-2009) Part II

In 2005-2006, I decided it was time to relocate to the North County area of San Diego county in California.  I had friend from Wisconsin I knew convince me who had a place I could stay at in then undeveloped area of San Elijo Hills.  Once I move there, my friend told me I couldn’t stay there.  Like I said before, I attract bad people. So I left my belongings there in a San Marcos storage facility, because I had to go through a medical exam back in Michigan to get a driver’s license in California, along with a road test.  I passed the road test but it wasn’t easy.  The fine motor skills of my left hand are compromised and unreliable.  I just can’t behave like most motorists because I can not rely on my left hand.  I have to treat it like a 2 year old child.  Although, distracted driving  (read texting/phoning when driving) is illegal in all 50 US states, I believe for me it is a fantasy.  I earned this license and am sure not going to just give it up.

Using a supplemental product from a Los Angeles area doctor in the summer of 2006 would finally free up my left thumb.  For over 14 years it would not even flex into my palm.

In late 2007, I had a Toledo OH Biofeedback practitioner and a Toledo OH area medical doctor, convince me the mercury in my amalgam dental filings were a problem.  So I had a Grand Rapids MI area dentist take them out (early 2008) and put ceramic filings and crowns in their place.  This made a major improvement.  I remember having dental assistants holding me down and crying.  These filings screwed up my life more I could possibly imagine.  I have continual trauma issues associated with there placement in my mouth to this day.  I am a breech birth B-blooded sensitivity disaster.  It turns out that these filing caused my lower bowel area to function very poorly.  I have had 100’s of colonics and 1000’s of enemas since the mid 80’s.  And it would not be until I found Donna Gates–Body Ecology Diet (in 2015) that my colon almost works properly .  Everyday, I don’t forget that dentist I had when I was 10 years old or so that put the mercury laden amalgam filings in me.  My dentist had a ceramic filings advertisement picture (like a doctor office with a pharmaceutical advertisement on their office wall) on his office wall.  But the dentist said my amalgam filings were okay even though I complained to my parents that my left side hurt (I didn’t know the relationship between my colon and the filings at the time).   So I figure, I lost colon function, had impaired digestion, had social developmental problems (especially with women), lost a inch or two in the height and sex organ department, lost 10 to 20 pounds upper body muscle, no wisdom teeth (2 are under my top gums under the top of my mouth-for reminders).  And to top it off I was a horrible athlete because of dentistry.  Not to mention my 30 inch waist that seems to attract gay men not 5-5 or 5-6 120-130 pound brunettes.  I am about 6 feet tall weighing in the 135-150 area depending on diet adherence.

After the filings were replaced I was told raw food would solve the hand problem.  It was a disaster (2009 Using Ann Wigmore’s ideas San Diego area Optimal Health Institute).  But fermented food makes it so less stress accumulates in the digestive process and is part of the solution I determined.

In 2014 my mom died.  And I have come to the conclusion that my  disability is related to the trauma caused from the mercury laden filings has made it so virtually nothing works.  If should chose B, I choose A and vice versa.  I can’t seem to make a streak of beneficial decisions.  And this it seems to be from the repressed stress in me from some combination of the breech birth/mercury laden filings/baseball bat assault.

When my mom died, I decided that it would be easy to get the paralysis solved.  If I knew it wouldn’t be so simple I would of attempted to become a currency trader.  This something that could support me, but I said to myself that being a trader requires a good emotional disposition, so get rid of the paralysis.  So I never opened an trading account (mistake).  And I have lost over $6000 to 3 different parties related to monies my mom left me.  Some people will take advantage of people who can’t easily fight back legally or physically (think Trump).

What Do I Need and How You Can Help

In 2003, I met with a Glendora,CA based public speaking consultant (Dottie Walters) about doing speaking related to my journey (unfortunately, she has passed away).  She remarked that I could easily due inspirational stuff, but I just can’t tell other people they can heal themselves if I can not pull it off.  But I have come to the conclusion I am going to have to dance because public speaking is not going to get the job done.  Ballroom dancing is maybe the best therapy this type of problem.  The left hand is in charge along with the left arm and left side of the body in creating spins and turns for ones partner in many different ballroom dances (i.e. foxtrot, rumba and swing).  I had 8 lessons remaining at the Bloomfield Township, MI studio that I had not used.  They don’t expire and I have not done any dancing since the Florida therapy mentioned above which has greatly loosened my left hand up.  So I called them and found out the studio had closed in late 2016.  The Royal Oak, MI Arthur Murray studio took over their client base and they told me that my lessons were gone.  They had no records of me.  After all I been through this doesn’t surprise me.

So I figure what I need to do is come up with $1625 dollars for about a 12 lesson trial.  Initially, I figured that this wasn’t a problem, but I didn’t know the Bloomfield Township Arthur Murray studio was going to close.  I am probably going to need a total of 65-100 lessons over 8 to 13 weeks.  But there is no sense in wasting other peoples money if ballroom dancing doesn’t show promise.  Believe me, I am so sensitive that after 12 lessons wrapped around a weekend, I will know if hope on the dance floor (I am absolutely out of ideas and near completely exhausted from paralysis and don’t want to live on the street).  And believe it or not, ballroom dancing seems to make me smile and feel happy which should reduce the stress in my hand helping it to function completely like most people’s hands..  That’s probably because when my 1970’s dentist who put those goofy mercury laden amalgam filings in me then my smiling and happiness started to dry up and my left side stated bothering me.  I need more money than the above amount and my situation is starting to become desperate.

I need this trial and I am going to have to come up with the money.  If the trial looks promising (it is easier to open my car windows, operate an ATM, and my left hand wants to participate much more), I am going to have to come up with much much more money.  In the event that it is not promising, I just don’t know what I will do.   I am absolutely wore out from my near half life of paralysis along nearly insolvent (read–bankrupt).http://www.integrativeintentions.com/

My car has a value somewhere between $2000-$5000 depending on who would buy it and I have two storage units with at least $2000- $4000 of stuff between .  One is 150 sq. ft. in San Marcos,CA near SR-78  and the other is 480 sq. ft. in Toledo,OH about a mile from the MI border.  If the trial proves successful I need to dispose of 90% of this stuff in between trying to come with the tens of thousands it will take to create my miracle ( I been told by more than a few people that if my hand ever functioned again normally that it just about would be a miracle).  My dance shoes are in the Toledo storage facility.

If you read this far, I certainly thank you.  And if you know other people who find may this of interest please let them see my Facebook page or my YouTube video.  I really represent the biggest problem with the US Disability system.  Collecting disability payments my in honest opinion is not a honor or career achievement but too many people think it is, including the health care establishment (i.e. heart disease treatment, cancer treatment, and our latest societal disaster–the opiate/heroin problem).  Everyone if possible, needs health as an option not just endless treatment resulting in death from problem that being treated.  For my goal is to walk into my local California Social Security Administration office and tell the employees the US Disability system worked in my case and I (Gregory Mann) fully recovered from almost being killed in a baseball assault.  Thank you.

So You like Garlic

I am in love with this stuff—https://www.majesticgarlic.com